Monday, March 4, 2013

What If

I go in tomorrow for a blood test. I finally ovulated. :-) Of course the one time I ovulated I was sick sick. Doctor asked me if I had intercourse my reply was as much as a ver sick person could.  I didnt tell them only twice. I was supposed to start friday. They told me to wait over the weekend and see if I started. I have not. So now they are going to suck my blood. I was trying to explain to my friend that im kinda scared. I mean to have a child is what I have wanted for so long. Now all I can think is it might really happen. But what if I am and something goes wrong and the child is lost. This is something that scares me to death. I know its a big what if. But I also know ob my hubbys side of te family one male cuz and femalr cuz have both lost their first born. I am pretty sure there are 3 others that lost their first born. My hubby was green when he came out. He was cooked to long and toxins were getting to him. He was lucky. I know I should be jumping for joy that we are closer to having a family then we ever have been.  But that giant damn WHAT IF if hanging around in my head. I do know that I swear my nipples could cut glass. I really wish they would go back to normal.

On a good note. I switched casinos. I am not stressed anymore and I enjoy coming to work. Today startes our live hourse racing. Im am so EXCITED to see my first race here. I have seen some races at Churchill Downs when I was 18. Good God that was 9 years ago.
Hope everyone is good in blogger land. For now im just gonna push the what if out of my head. Guess I will get back to work. My lunch is almost over.


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