Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Empty Nest

As I can not really go into details. We no longer have our 3 foster to adopt children. To us they were never foster children . They were OUR KIDS....... So with that..... Afte almost 4 months together and almost 2 months gone. My nest is empty, my heart aches, my mind is blown. I still hear and see your laughs, foot steps, coos, crys, moms & dads, I can still feel your touch.  I wake and look for you often only to find an empty house.

I will love you forever.

I will always hold on to  the short time we had.

Broken heart

Friday, April 25, 2014

Dreams Do Come True


+3 yes that is a 3. We are going from zero to 3 in just 3 days from now.

Our dreams are coming true.


Monday, March 24, 2014

Sign Here Here and Here



We are in the system as a home open for adoption. With the option to do a foster to adopt with a low rated case. Things are looking up. Feeling joy in my heart is something I have missed. In case you didn't know. When doing a home study pretty much everything you say goes in it. So you have been warned. Ours is pretty funny.

I have ordered baby presents for my beautiful cousin expecting twins. It should arrive this week. So this means I will get to go to Kansas. Happy dance Cabelas is just down from them. So it's a win win.

We are dog sitting this week for my brother and sis inlaw. So last night we had 3 yorkies (my dogs) 1 wiener dog and a 50+ pound black lab. The lab was ours. But we gave her to them for our nephew. In my king size bed. The lab thought she should lay on my hip when she was in bed. It was a long night.

On April 6 I will be at Texas Motor Speedway for some NASCAR. I will take lots of pics.


The fish are starting to bite.


Thursday, February 6, 2014


Apparently everyone was drunk and humping in December cause, everyone is having a baby due in September.  I really really really hate social media right now. Oh your expecting that's awesome. Oh when are we gonna have kids you want to know. NEVER CAUSE IM AM  F-ING POOR AND MY SHIT IT BROKE. Is what my alter ego is screaming why I beat the hell out of u in my mind. But no I come up with some stupid excuse on y.  Seeing pregnant people right now just makes me sad.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Empty Womb

Several months ago I figured a baby would be growing within me right about now. As the holidays started to approach I started wishing them away. NOTHING I do helps. The happy face I carry around is not really a happy face. Its a face I put on to hide all the hurt eating away at me. Very few things bring out my true happy face. My husband on occasion, my nephew saying my name kinda I am eff or seff (I almost cried), my niece, and 2 people that mean the world to me telling me they r expecting after IVF. I am super excited for them but also jealous. If I didn't feel jealous I would think something is wrong. :-)

Adoption is at a stand still as we wait on fingerprints and background checks to come through. That should of been in almost a month ago. Now I am questioning is adoption what we should be doing? Nothing feels right anymore. As my husband says we have the worst luck. The buyer backed out on our house. My insides are messed up. I am always the positive one when he is negative. From this post its hard to tell but I am. But always thinking positive is really flipping hard.

Some day it will be my day.......Right?.......I hope..........


Saturday, September 28, 2013


I contacted the Cherokee Nation yesterday. I got my handbook, the newsletter, and the first single page application. Now I just got to find my white card that says how much Cherokee blood I have in me for the application. I need to read the hand book its 65 pages. I am a slow reader.

I got good news yesterday from family. A family member got the AWESOME news that her IVF took.  Also another girl my mother works with IVF took. I super excited for both families.

This week has been hrad. I finally cried at the most weirdest time to cry. But leave it to me.

I turned 28 this week. I know in the next year that great things are going to happen for my family.


Monday, September 23, 2013


ADOPTION .......

I spent alot of time last week looking into adoption. Me and my hubby are both Cherokee. So they have lots of assistance with adoption fees. The baby Veronica case scares me some. But I will not talk about that now. But knowing that we do have indian blood helps us TREMENDOUSLY. One if my best friends mom is adopted and I would of never known if she wouldnt of told me. 2 girls I plat bunco with have adopted through the cherokee nation. One adopted a boy and girl as babies. The other adopted her niece as a baby. The ladies girls are best friends.  So they have helped alittle with what information they can remember. So we plan to sit down and talk tonight. Yesterday was just weird. Like awkward sex weird. Neither one of us knew what to say. Jake was pissed. So I just kept cleaning and playing with my doggies. Late last night he did ask me now what? All I could say was I have no clue. Maybe once I talk to my nurse today it will help with what direction we go. As of right now IVF is a no go for us.

Wish us luck on the next journey we decide to take.

Oh I did ask if I could get a sports car...

I will leave u with a 3 pics of my 4 legged babies.