Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Empty Womb

Several months ago I figured a baby would be growing within me right about now. As the holidays started to approach I started wishing them away. NOTHING I do helps. The happy face I carry around is not really a happy face. Its a face I put on to hide all the hurt eating away at me. Very few things bring out my true happy face. My husband on occasion, my nephew saying my name kinda I am eff or seff (I almost cried), my niece, and 2 people that mean the world to me telling me they r expecting after IVF. I am super excited for them but also jealous. If I didn't feel jealous I would think something is wrong. :-)

Adoption is at a stand still as we wait on fingerprints and background checks to come through. That should of been in almost a month ago. Now I am questioning is adoption what we should be doing? Nothing feels right anymore. As my husband says we have the worst luck. The buyer backed out on our house. My insides are messed up. I am always the positive one when he is negative. From this post its hard to tell but I am. But always thinking positive is really flipping hard.

Some day it will be my day.......Right?.......I hope..........


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